


All the crossed wires

by chameleonmikey



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Scars, Self-Harm, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, theres not much but i feel like i have to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-02
Updated: 2014-09-02
Packaged: 2018-02-15 20:41:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2242842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chameleonmikey/pseuds/chameleonmikey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'Michael and Calum never had to put up with wondering how goddamn clumsy their soulmate was.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	All the crossed wires

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stella_gracex](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stella_gracex/gifts).



> dedicated to stella again because lashton is her babe and she helped me so much writing this
> 
> if people want i guess this could have one more chapter??

Michael and Calum never had to put up with wondering how goddamn clumsy their soulmate was. Sure, they had scars from before they met, but when you’re 10, you don’t really care or notice. Michael didn’t care about the nick on his knee and Calum didn’t care why he always had so many bruises. So when they met and their scars kind of tingled and the bruises faded into nothingness, it wasn’t a big deal. Until it was. But then it wasn’t again and they were kind of together but they were also kind of just friends.

Luke envied them. He wasn’t bitter or anything and he didn’t let it get in the way of their friendship, but they were just so disgustingly in love. He saw how Michael smiled at Calum when he thought no one was watching, he saw the way Calum’s gaze would linger on Michael more than necessary, and he saw how in sync they were, touching at every chance they had, and Luke wanted that. He wanted it more than he wanted their band to make it - which was saying a lot.

For now, though, he just had to settle for the fact that all he knew about his soulmate was that she was a reckless asshole. She was an asshole because who the hell gave themselves that many scars knowing their soulmate had to carry them. Luke was careful. He obviously didn’t feel too guilty when he got a few because how else were they supposed to identify themselves? But he didn’t go out trying which, apparently, is something his soulmate did for a living or whatever.

Luke’s body was littered in scars. There were a couple from self harm on the inside of his left wrist, but that hadn’t happened in a while. Mostly, they were from burns or fingernails gained from what Luke thought was probably games of chicken, gashes along his legs and stomach from God knows what, and there were even scars from three different games of the Knife Song. Luke also couldn’t ignore the bruises which were constantly blossoming on every part of his body. Who walked into that much stuff? Luke wouldn’t even be surprised if they didn’t think they had a soulmate - how would they be able to keep track of which scars came from themselves and which didn’t?

He supposed it could have been worse though. There were people who never got soulmate scars. There was always the chance that they could just be extremely careful, but it was more likely they simply didn’t have a soulmate. He had also heard stories of people who had to spend the rest of their life supporting fatal scars of a soulmate they would never meet. Luke had even heard of a few people who had been so desperate they had carved into their own skin their name or their number. At least, with every new scar, Luke knew his soulmate was still alive.

So Luke carried on with life, knowing that one day, he would meet his stupid soulmate and all the scars that didn’t belong to him would disappear.

::

“I dare you to jump off,” Jack said casually. Ashton stared at him blankly. They were sitting on the roof of Jack’s house, they were a little buzzed, and it was probably past midnight.   
“Do you want me to die?” Ashton asked, still staring incredulously at Jack.   
“Don’t be a loser. You can walk away from jumping off of like three stories or something and this is only one. Come on. I bet my favourite Fall Out Boy shirt you can’t do it without getting a scar,” Jack said. Ashton rolled his eyes. He was surprised his soulmate hadn’t carved him a message yet. Stop fucking scarring yourself dipshit.

“You’re on,” Ashton said, deciding the shirt was worth it. It really was a great shirt. He stood up and carefully made his way to the edge. It didn’t look too far. Ashton took a couple steps back and made a run for it. He only took two steps until there was no longer any roof under his feet and he was falling towards the ground. He hit it, hard. His feet first, then his left shoulder, then his head. Finally, he was on his back, lying on the damn grass.

He could see the stars and Jack standing by the edge, practically pissing himself with laughter. Ashton threw him the finger before sitting up slowly to examine him. There were no fresh looking scars, but then, really, how could he have scarred himself from that? Jack was really fucking stupid sometimes. When he stood up, though, Ashton realized he was going to have bruises for weeks. At least he’d have another Fall Out Boy shirt to wear while he iced himself.

::

Luke was 16 when he realized he kind of hated his soulmate. He sat thinking this exact fact with ice on his right thigh, on his right forearm and his left foot elevated. What the hell did she do this time? Maybe, Luke thought, she’s in an abusive situation. Even though it was extremely unlikely, going by the types of scars and bruises he got, Luke felt his thoughts soften towards her.

All he wanted to do was meet her, and then not only would he be happier, because that’s what you were told at school - meet your soulmate and all your problems go away - but the freaking damage she did to her own body would stop showing up on Lukes.

He was considering calling Michael and complaining to him about life when his arm started tingling. Luke froze, contemplating whether or not he wanted to look. He only managed to hold back a few seconds before he ripped his left sleeve up. Right before his eyes, thin lines were opening up on his wrist. They weren’t deep enough to critically injure but Luke’s heart stopped beating. Shit.

Luke panicked, glad We The Kings was drowning out his heavy breathing. Three more appeared, neat, parallel lines. He sat there on his bed trying to control himself. There were no more cuts for a few moments and Luke let himself believe it was over. He was beginning to calm down when his other arm started tingling as well.

The blonde boy sprung into action, racing into the bathroom. He grabbed a shaver and frantically broke it apart, not really knowing if he was doing it right. He was left holding a blade and with no air left in his lungs. There were two more cuts on his right arm now and Luke thought he was going to pass out. He quickly decided, yeah, it was worth it, and brought the blade to his thigh. He wasn’t stupid enough to try his wrist. He’d probably accidentally kill himself.

The blade was sharp enough that he barely had to put any pressure on it. In the end, there was a small heart carved into his right thigh. Tears were flowing freely from Luke’s face and he disposed of the blade. He sat on the floor of the bathroom, knees to his chin, for half an hour, waiting. No more cuts appeared. Eventually, he fell asleep, curled up on a pile of dirty towels.

::

It was dark. It hadn’t been light inside Ashton’s apartment for weeks. He was fine most of the time. Really. He was happy and bubbly and people liked him because he was fun and yeah. But, sometimes, he crashed. And when Ashton crashed, he crashed hard. Every horrible thing he had ever done in his life came rushing back to him and it was like a black cloud was screaming bloody murder in his head. So he hid and he slept and he cut. He was sorry for his soulmate, he really was, but the urge was so strong that sometimes he literally forgot that somebody out there had to share his scars.

There wasn’t really a reason for Ashton’s most recent crash. One day, he had been out jumping off cliffs with his mates, and the next, he couldn’t get out of bed. Two weeks later, he could still barely even leave his apartment for milk. Ashton was asleep on his couch when Jack finally managed to break in. Ashton hadn’t let him in, so Jack had all but gone to a seminar on how to break into shitty flats.

“Ash,” Jack said, his voice stern. He felt anything but stern, but if he was going to get through to his best friend, he had to pretend. Ashton barely stirred.   
“Ashton,” Jack tried again, louder this time. The curly haired boy rolled over and swatted the air. Jack fought the urge to laugh at how ridiculous he looked.   
“What?” Ashton said. His voice was croaky from disuse.   
“Get the fuck up. We’re going out,” Jack said. He had been in this situation before, and he knew it was best for Ashton. He knew his friend didn’t stand for any of the motivational you’re worth it crap.   
  
“What?” Ashton said again. Jack rolled his eyes and tugged roughly on Ashton’s arm.   
“We’re going to a party. Wake up,” Jack said.   
“Shit,” Ashton said, but he got up. It didn’t take Ashton long to get ready. He was thankful he was a guy and didn’t have to worry about putting on make up. All he had to do was give his face a quick scrub and all of a sudden, by societies standards, he didn’t look like shit anymore. He threw on a Green Day shirt and a pair of black jeans and he was finished. Jack looked him over once before deciding ‘good enough’ and Ashton finally went outside.

It was cold but Ashton could barely feel it as he stumbled over his own feet through dark streets. He let Jack drag him a couple blocks without complaint. Hours later, Ashton was kind of really drunk and alone and he couldn’t remember the last time he saw Jack. Maybe when he had been talking to that Hayley girl with red hair.

Ashton was dancing, and the music was flowing through his body. His heart was pumping to the rhythm and he and grinding against anyone close enough. There was a girl with bleach blonde hair practically sucking his face off and then suddenly she was gone and a boy with black hair was in her place.

Before he could register what was happening, they were in a closet or something, and Ashton let himself go. He needed to feel something besides numbness. It didn’t even occur to him to stop, that he was drunk and that this guy was probably taking advantage of him. The boys lips were on his neck and it was really sloppy but it felt so good and Ashton pulled him closer. The boy nibbled and sucked on his neck until Ashton felt like he was going to explode. Hey, maybe they both had a neck kink.

Ashton was moaning and writhing and then the boy was moving downwards, and all Ashton could think was thanks, Jack and fuck.

::

Luke woke up feeling like shit. His soulmate really was a fucking idiot. Hangovers didn’t fully translate over, but Luke could still feel it well enough to want to stay in bed all day. But Michael and Calum were counting on him to be at band practice, so he couldn’t do that. Luke was too good of a friend. Being nice doesn’t get you anywhere in life, Luke decided grumpily.

Even with that thought, he dragged himself out of bed, pulling on whatever clothes were scattered over his floor. He quickly brushed his teeth, because he wasn’t bloody disgusting, but didn’t even bother quiffing his hair or attempting to make himself look nice. His clothes didn’t stink, so good enough. Michael would probably be too busy staring at Calum to have time to make fun of him anyway.

He was about to head out the door when Liz called his name. Sighing deeply, Luke walked into the kitchen.   
“Yeah, mom?” Luke said.   
“Breakfast,” Liz said simply, chucking a banana at him. Luke, knowing he wouldn’t be allowed to leave until he ate, sat down at the counter. Band practice would have to wait.

Luke was halfway through with the banana when he realized his mom was staring at him.   
“What?” he asked. Liz bit her lip, motioning to his neck. Luke’s eyebrows crossed and he set his banana down, walking to the hallway mirror. A dark purple hickey was so obvious on Luke’s pale neck. It’s actually kind of pretty, Luke caught himself thinking. Shit. What was she thinking?

The blonde boy turned back to his mother and the second their eyes met, Luke felt a blush crawl up his neck and spread across his face like melted butter.   
“Mom, I swear, it wasn’t, I didn’t. I’ve never even like. It was. It was her. Not me. I didn’t. I swear,” Luke said in one breath. Liz pursed her lips and it was obvious she was trying not to laugh.

“Luke,” she said sharply to cut off whatever he was about to say. “Sweetie, I know it wasn’t you. You’re too sweet.”   
Luke thought he should be offended by that but he was too relieved to even care. He ducked his head and grabbed a scarf on the way out, too embarrassed to stay home and finish eating.

He showed up to band practice twenty minutes late to Michael and Calum facing the door with matching disappointed expressions on their faces. What are they, fucking married?   
“Have you just been standing there waiting for me?” Luke asked.   
“No. We’ve been making out. You missed it. It was really hot,” Michael replied.   
“Ew, God, shut up, ew,” Luke said, making a face. Calum tried shooting Michael a dirty glare but ended up laughing.  
“If you weren’t late for band practice, this wouldn’t have happened,” Calum said. Since when was he the reasonable one?

Luke just rolled his eyes and picked up his guitar. He strummed out a few chords before deciding he needed to tune it. He was halfway through when the scarf was yanked violently from his neck.   
“Fuck, what the fuck?” Luke said, rubbing his neck. He looked up to see Michael holding the scarf and Calum standing next to him. Yet again, they were wearing matching expressions. This time, they were of shock. Both of them had their eyes glued to the hickey.   
  
“You dirty fucker,” Michael said. Was it twisted that he sounded proud?  
“No, shit, it’s not,” Luke said awkwardly. Calum nudged Michael and they looked at each other, doing the psychic mind reading thing they always did that pissed Luke off more anything. They turned back to Luke, with new expressions of pity.   
“Poor Lukey. You didn’t get any…” Michael started.   
“Must hurt to know your one true love did, though,” Calum finished.   
  
Luke really hated his friends.   
“I quit the band,” Luke said after a moment. Michael and Calum just laughed. Yeah, Luke really hated his friends. He stood up but his freaking long legs got tangled up together and he was sprawled out on the ground instead of making the graceful exit he had in mind. Falling over his own legs wasn’t something new, but this time there was a burning in his right calf. Calum, the nicer one of his two friends, pulled him up and fuck. Blood stained the ground and was running freely, and a nail was sticking out of his leg.   
“Well. Shit,” Luke said dumbly.

Calum snorted and he and Michael got to work fixing Luke. He didn’t quit the band for real, after all.

::

“Jack!” Ashton yelled excitedly.   
“What?” came the distant reply. Ashton bounded to where the sound came from. Jack was lying on his bed, phone in hand.   
“Look!” Ashton nearly shouted, shoving his leg in Jack’s face. “They hurt themselves!”  
Jack looked like he wanted to punch Ashton in the face.   
“You’re happy they’re in pain?” Jack said, practically drowning in sarcasm. Ashton’s grin faltered, but only slightly.  
“Well… yeah! They never hurt themselves!” Ashton said. He thought he had a right to be excited! He got plenty of bruises, but there only like 3 scars on his body that didn’t come from his own idiocy. One of them was the heart that had appeared on his thigh about a week ago. The scar that made him finally realize he should probably give a shit about his soulmate.   
  
Ashton just didn’t get it. The idea of sharing your physical pain with someone who you were supposed to love seemed twisted and cruel. Ashton just couldn’t wait to meet him or her, so he could finally understand what people talked about. Maybe, then, it’d seem worth it.   
  
Last night, when he had seen the hickey in mirror, he couldn’t feel any of the smugness Jack told him he should feel. He just felt like shit because who did that to their soulmate? Okay, well, plenty of people did. Shit. Why did Ashton feel so fucking guilty about it?   
  
“Cool, well you go be happy about your soulmates injury somewhere else, yeah? I’m gonna try and sleep,” Jack said, pulling Ashton from his thoughts.  
“Yeah, man,” Ashton said slowly.   
He left Jack’s apartment and walked around for a couple hours. If he never went inside, he’d have to bump into his soulmate eventually, right?

::  
  
“Lucas Robert Hemmings!” Michael screamed, entering Lukes house uninvited. Calum trailed embarrassed after him, apologizing profusely to Liz.   
“Room,” was all Luke shouted back. The two made their way up the stairs to Luke’s room and burst in, grins ripping their faces in two. Luke raised an eyebrow expectantly. Calum turned his grin to Michael - whose hair was now bleach blonde, like what the hell - who looked like he was about to explode.

“We booked a gig!” Michael shouted. Luke was surprised the roof was still intact.  
“Are you fucking serious?” Luke asked, standing up.  
“Yes!” Michael and Calum said at the same time.   
“Fuck yeah!” Luke shouted, ignoring the muffled ‘Lucas!’ that came from downstairs.   
The boys grouped hugged, even though they swore they’d never do that. After a while, Luke broke apart.   
  
“Uh,” he said and Michael sighed loudly.   
“What is it, killjoy?” Michael asked.   
“We don’t have a drummer,” Luke said like it was obvious. And it was. Their songs sounded empty without the drums but they hadn’t actively tried to find a drummer. But if they were going to play gigs now, they definitely needed one.  
  
“Have faith, young skyhopper,” Michael said. Before Luke could even say he didn’t think that was quite right, Michael had thrown himself backwards onto Luke’s bed. “I know someone.”  
With that, Michael grabbed Calum’s hand, pulling his boyfriend on top of him. They were fucking spooning on Luke’s bed. Honestly.   
  
Luke rolled his eyes so hard it was a miracle they didn’t pop out of their sockets.   
“Disgusting,” he said, but he didn’t really mean it.   
“You’re just jealous you haven’t found your soulmate yet,” Calum said from Michael’s chest. Luke’s stomach flipped and he kind of wanted to vomit.   
“Whatever,” Luke said, voice slightly shaky. “Mikey, how do you know the drummer?”  
Michael disentangled himself ever so from Calum.   
“Met Ashton at a party,” he said. Luke’s brain fuzzed over and for a minute he couldn’t think straight. He felt as he imagined he would if Blink dedicated a song to him.   
  
“Ashton?” Luke asked as casually as he could.   
“Yeah. Fuckin’ kills it on the drums, man. Had, like, an orgasm when I first saw him play,” Michael said, earning a half hearted hit to the chest from Calum.   
“You say with your boyfriend lying right on top of you,” Luke said, knowing full well Calum wasn’t Michael’s boyfriend. They kinda really needed to get their shit together. Michael replied by flipping Luke off. Calum made grabby hands, completely missing the previous comment. Luke stood his ground for about 2 seconds before giving in and going to join the cuddle.   
  
“Mikey,” Calum said after a while.   
“Yeah, babe?” Michael said. Pet names. Sickening.   
“We should probably call Ashton. Practice and shit,” Calum said. “We’ve never had a drummer and it’ll probably fuck everything up at first.”  
“You have such faith in our band,” Luke mumbled grumpily.   
“Cal has a point,” Michael said. Fucking traitor.   
“Thanks, cuzmuffin,” Calum said, nuzzling into Michael’s neck. Luke thought he was going to be sick.  
  
“Well then why don’t you freaking call him instead of being all horny on my bed?” Luke asked. It came out sounding a little harsher than he intended.   
“I fucking will,” Michael said. He sat up, roughly pushing Calum off of him. The dark haired boy groaned and turned to one of Luke’s pillows as replacement.   
Michael pulled his phone out of his pocket and selected the contact ‘Ash bang me.’ Luke whacked Michael on the head.   
“You’ve had this guys number in your phone and haven’t thought to contact him before? Idiot.” Luke said.   
“Thought we were good enough ‘thout letting a stranger in the band,” Michael huffed out, but he pressed ‘call’ anyway.

The phone rang three times on speakerphone before Ashton answered.   
“Hello?” he said. His voice was like honey and a waterfall of heat ran through Luke’s body.  
“Hey, it’s, uh, Michael. From Alex’s party,” Michael said. If Luke didn’t feel so fucking weird, he would have laughed at his friend. Michael sounded nervous. Calum obviously felt this too, and moved to rub circles of his back.   
“Oh, uh, hey,” was all Ashton said.   
“I had green hair,” Michael said blandly.   
“Oh! Yeah, hey man! How’s it going?” Ashton said. This time, his voice was bright with recognition and Luke’s head kind of fizzled over.

Michael didn’t say anything for a moment and Calum nudged him slightly.   
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m good. Hey, you play drums right?” Michael said finally.   
Ashton laughed, and how was it possible for a laugh to sound like sunshine?   
“You ask that like you haven’t seen me play before,” Ashton said. You could fucking hear the smile in his voice.   
“Well, I was wasted. I could have been, like, hallucinating it or something,” Michael said, quick to jump to his own defence.   
“Okay, well, yeah. I play drums. Why?” Ashton said. How was Luke still conscious? Know that he thought about it, he wasn’t totally sure that he was. He kind of felt like he was floating.

“Okay, so you know how I’m like in this band, 5 Seconds of Summer, right?” Michael asked. He didn’t wait for a reply. “Yeah, so we booked a gig but at the moment it’s only me, the love of my life and some other loser and we don’t have a drummer so we kind of sound like shit. And we can’t sound like shit for our first gig, of course.” Calum looked like he had seen a ghost. His hand was frozen on Michael’s back.   
“Are you asking me to join your band, Mikey?” Ashton said. His voice was smooth and controlled, like he was trying to stop excitement from seeping through.   
“Yeah. Well. Kind of. I’m inviting you to come practice with is, kind of like an audition. Except there’s no competition. And you’ll only not get in if you fucking suck balls all of a sudden or you like hit on Calum or something,” Michael said.

Ashton laughed. Luke died.   
“I only suck balls like half the time,” Ashton said. Michael laughed too. Everyone was laughing except for Luke, who felt like his heart was going to explode, and Calum, who was still, in, what, shock?   
“We can work with that,” Michael said eventually.  
“Cool,” Ashton said. “So you can like, text me the details and all that shit? I’m free all week, so.”  
“Yeah, cool,” Michael said, and then he was hanging up. Luke’s chest was swelling and he found himself pouting that the sunshine boys voice had been cut off.

He flopped down on the bed, thinking about now he knew what Blink was talking about in ‘I miss you,’ except that was ridiculous. Michael texted Ashton and Calum layed down next to Luke silently.   
“He’s gonna come to our next practice,” Michael said after a while. Luke and Calum said nothing. “So… you guys wanna watch a movie?”  
They spent the rest of their day watching the Mean Girls movies.

::  
  
Ashton was trying to get drunk. He didn’t know why. Well, he kind of did. A guy who seemed pretty cool the few times Ashton had met him had asked him to join his band. And that was fucking awesome. It was all Ashton had wanted since he was like 6 and now he was 18. But Ashton was doubting himself. People always told him he was amazing, but what if they were lying to him?  
  
Now, he was gonna go play for a band who had booked an official gig and if he sucked, they would laugh at him. Ashton hadn’t been bad since the heart had appeared on his thigh. He thought he was gonna be okay, but all this self doubt was driving him to the edge.   
  
What if he wasn’t good enough? was all Ashton could think. It repeated itself over and over inside his head until it didn’t make sense anymore and Ashton could barely even make the words out. The self doubt about his drum skills turned into self doubt about his looks, his weight, his intelligence, his personality, and he needed to do something.   
  
Jack was out, so Ashton took an hour long shower. He normally would have gone for a run, but he didn’t feel like being out in public. People would probably call him fat behind his back. He didn’t sing in the shower like he normally did, because it occurred to him that his voice probably sucked too.   
  
Afterwards, Ashton didn’t feel any better. The black cloud smothering his head had only gotten thicker and the words untalented, fat, ugly, worthless, stupid, floated recklessly around. Why did this always happen when things were going right for him? He needed to be over this for his audition practice thingy tomorrow. He needed to be confident and cool. He needed to impress. He needed to cut.   
  
Ashton took the full body length mirror down from its hook and carefully pulled a razor from a blob of blu-tac. He thumbed it for moment, sliding his fingers across the cool metal. Shaking slightly, Ashton brought it to his wrist and slowly slid it across. It hurt, but not as much as it normally did. The numbness had spread through his entire body and he couldn’t really feel it. Despite this, it felt so good. So good to be able to express his hatred for himself, and so good to be able to feel something physical, since his emotions were haywire.   
  
Ashton had managed four thin, neat lines on his wrist, scattered in between his just healed cuts. He was crying and it hadn’t fully registered, but he was fully aware of the fact that he was shaking uncontrollably. He had to go slowly or he’d nick a vein or something. However much Ashton hated himself, he didn’t want to die.   
  
He was just about to try a fifth time when his thigh started tingling. A sense of deja vu washed over Ashton and he couldn’t breathe for a minute. Careful not to get blood anywhere - which was pretty easy since Ashton hadn’t gone too deep - Ashton stood up and tugged his jeans to his ankles. He looked down at himself, and about a centimeter away from the heart was a smiley face. His soulmate really was a fucking loser.

A fucking loser who Ashton had managed to fall in love with even though they’d never met before. Shit. Ashton suddenly didn’t feel as worthless as he did a moment ago. His soulmate was somewhere out there and cared about him and put up with not only his accidental scars but his self harm scars. If the roles were reversed and someone did that to Ashton, he wouldn’t be as good with it as his soulmate obviously was. Ashton would probably freak and cut a big cross on his wrist or something, not support them. If this was what it was like when he hadn’t even met his soulmate yet, Ashton couldn’t wait until they actually got together.

Ashton cleaned himself up and fell asleep an hour later feeling content and like it would be okay. He had even managed to practice on the drums for a bit.  
  
::   
  
Luke didn’t know where Michael and Calum were so he assumed they were giving each other blowjobs in the bathroom. Because they were horny ass teenagers in love, Luke was alone in Michael’s garage and he had double tuned his guitar and didn’t know what to do now. He was sitting on the ground, softly strumming the opening chords to ‘long way home’ when Michael finally walked in the door, Calum trailing behind him. Michael flipped the garage door switch and the loud sound filled the awkward silence. From Calum’s expression, Luke could tell he had been spot on about the blowjobs. He hoped Mrs Clifford had walked in on them.

Luke cleared his throat when the garage door was fully open and stood up. Michael and Calum seemed to jump out of whatever daze they were in and Michael shot Luke a smug grin with a clear message. I’m getting some and you’re not.   
“Ashton is late,” Calum said, grabbing his bass.   
“This is a check against him,” Michael said, walking out onto the driveway to look about. The boys decided to have a practice while they waited. They had just finished ‘disconnected’ when Luke felt a tugging sensation in his stomach.   
  
The blonde boy finished a couple chords early - Michael was lead on guitar and could handle it - and shut his eyes. His stomach was doing flips and woah were Michael and Calum talking to him? Luke thought so, but he didn’t really process it. He tried to play cool though, because he was probably just getting a bug.   
  
Michael seemed to give up after a few moments, though Calum still hovered by Luke’s side.  
“I think I see Ashton,” Michael said, and Luke could see stars and butterflies and rainbows.   
Michael was about to turn back to them when there was the a crashing sound from the street.   
“Shit,” Michael basically shouted out of shock.  
Ashton had fallen off of his bike and was currently leaning on his palms, legs a tangled mess. Luke’s left knee tingled and he lifted up his leg to scratch it absently. He knew they should probably run out to help him, but Luke’s feet were glued to the ground. He didn’t know what the others excuses were, though.  
  
Ashton, apparently, was invisible though, because he was up in seconds. He opted to walk his bike the remaining three or so houses until he was standing on the curb of Michael’s driveway. Luke was convinced the world had been stripped of oxygen. Ashton laughed - giggled? - awkwardly and Luke could hear the unsteady pumping of his heart. It was beating 246.

Michael and Calum were talking, inviting Ashton into the garage, and Luke couldn’t help but tune them out. Ashton walked forward a few steps and the other two seemed oblivious to the fact that Luke and Ashton were both about to pass out. Luke’s finally managed to make himself move, and though his legs were like jelly, he walked forward, stopping at the edge of the garage. Ashton was about 5 meters away from his and Luke could see honey coloured curls held back by a red bandana and a ridiculous purple shirt and holy crap.

Ashton took his turn and walked forward a couple steps until they were only a meter away. Luke could finally see Ashton’s eyes and when they made eye contact, his whole world fell apart. All at once, everything in the world seemed to make sense. Warmth came flooding into body and almost every scar on his body tingled. Everything else seemed to fall apart and fade away and all Luke could see was this boy in front of him who was barely even smiling but whose freaking dimples were still visible and who had really, really nice, totally kissable lips.   
  
Ashton was made of sunshine and Luke was melting.  
  
Michael and Calum had finally caught on, and Luke was dimly aware of Michael squealing ‘it’s happening! Cal, it’s happening!’ Ashton glanced over at them and Luke felt like everything he had always wanted had been dangled in front of him, only to be ripped away. Which was totally stupid because he wasn’t a clingy boyfriend who had to be reassured 24/7.   
  
After a second, Ashton returned his focus back on Luke and fireworks were exploding somewhere, right? Ashton took the couple steps needed to be right in front of Luke, and the blonde could see his knees were shaking uncontrollably.   
“Hi,” Ashton said, and even though Ashton sounded more nervous than Luke when he first played in public, Luke could still hear the stupid giggle is voice.   
“H-Hey,” Luke said. He cursed himself for being forever awkward.   
“What’s your name?” Ashton said. Luke bit his lip ring to calm himself down. He would be lying if he said he didn’t feel a twitch when Ashton’s eyes went to his lips.   
“Luke,” Luke said finally. Shit. I fucked up, Luke couldn’t help thinking, even though it really wasn’t going that bad.   
  
It was silent for a moment and Ashton and Luke just looked deeply into each others eyes. It was really cheesy, but Luke could see Ashton’s soul in his muddle of hazel and green eyes. It was beautiful, and shy, and outgoing, and excited, and happy, and damaged, and Luke was in love with it.   
  
“Well, Luke,” Ashton said, shakily. “I’m Ashton. I guess I’m your soulmate.”  
Wait. Shit. Luke was snapped violently out of his daydream of raising children with Ashton. Soulmate? He was straight. His soulmate was a girl. What the fuck?  
“No,” Luke said too sharply. Ashton took a step back. He looked like a wounded animal in every single way possible and Luke had never hated himself more. “I’m straight,” he added on, like that would fix it.   
  
Ashton’s stupid eyes were wide and watery and goddamit.   
“Oh,” was all he said.   
Luke didn’t say anything.   
After a moment, Ashton turned around so fast that he almost fell over again. He grabbed his bike and biked away so fast he probably would have won gold at the Olympics.   
Luke just stood where he was, watching Ashton’s figure until it was gone.   
“Well,” Michael said finally. “You’re a piece of shit.”  
Luke went home.   
  
::  
  
Ashton was on the bathroom floor again. This time his soulmate wouldn’t feel it.

::

Michael and Calum had banged on Luke’s bedroom door for almost half an hour straight. Eventually they left, but they had slipped a note under his door before going. Luke hadn’t bothered to get up and look at it for two hours.   
  
He was just so confused and happy and angry and he kind of hated himself. When he had gotten home, he had locked himself in his room and examined himself. Almost every scar on his body had vanished, leaving no doubt that Ashton was his soulmate. It made zero sense.

It wasn’t that he had a problem with Ashton being a guy. It was just that. Luke had waited his entire life to meet his soulmate, the person he was supposed to happily spend the rest of his life with, so of course he had mentally prepared himself for meeting them.

Ashton’s gender had totally thrown him off and he hadn’t expected it and now Luke had hurt the cute boy, wanted to puke his guts out, and was having a sexuality crisis. Heh. Luke never thought he’d have one of those. Luke had never been interested in guys. And considering his two best friends were kind of a couple, he had even thought about it a few times. In his experiments, Luke had never felt any attraction to them so he was straight. Obviously. 100%.

Luke’s mind told him he couldn’t be interested in Ashton because what the fuck he didn’t swing that way but his heart was in his throat and his body was shaking and all Luke wanted to do was kiss Ashton’s stupid lips and look lovingly into his stupid eyes ~~and maybe suck his stupid dick.~~

The blonde boy sat for a long time thinking about how maybe the soulmate thing was bullshit before he even thought about getting up to look at the note slid under his door. It was in Michael’s scrawly writing and Luke felt calmed by the familiarity of it. All it said was ‘Ash’ with a number underneath. Luke crumpled the note in his hand and went back to his bed.    
  
All he knew was that his body felt empty without Ashton’s scars. 

::

It was 2 am when Ashton’s phone rang and he really regretted setting ‘my heart will go on’ as his ringtone. It was an unknown number which normally meant Ashton would have hung up because it was 2 in the freaking morning, but for whatever fucking reason, Ashton answered.

“What?” Ashton said because who had time for politeness at this ungodly time in the morning.   
“Hi,” someone said and all of Ashton’s worries flew away to Neverland. He’d only heard that voice once, but he’d be able to pick it out of a screaming crowd.   
“Luke,” Ashton said simply. It only just occurred to him that Luke’s name was really pretty. It was a great name.  
“Yeah,” Luke said. “Sorry.” Luke sounded so dull and Ashton had never wanted to hug anyone more than in that moment. It was as if when Luke was sad, all the happiness was drained away and nothing would be okay.   
  
Ashton’s head was filled with cotton candy and why was Luke sorry? God, Ashton was a mess. He should probably ask him what for. Yeah.  
“What for?” Ashton asked.   
Luke didn’t reply for a moment and Ashton could hear him breathing heavily. Ashton wanted to wrap his arms around Luke and tell him it would be okay. And it would be okay. That’s what your soulmate was there for - to make sure everything was okay.   
“For hating you for hurting yourself all the time and for being awkward and for hurting you and for being stupid because you’re my soulmate so obviously that means I’m like a little bit gay at least and for calling you at - what time is it?” Luke cut himself off.   
Ashton couldn’t help it. He laughed. Luke huffed. It was adorable and Ashton had never smiled so widely in his life. Somehow the small mannerisms of a (basically) stranger made Ashton feel like the living version of the song ‘on top of the world.’  
  
“Sorry,” Ashton said and they were saying sorry a lot. Luke didn’t say anything. Ashton hadn’t picked up on the ‘awkward’ thing before Luke mentioned it, but now he could see Luke was totally shy. It was so endearingly cute, but that meant Ashton would have to pick up the slack.   
  
“So. You wanna, like, meet me at the park on Gordon Spratt? Now?” Ashton asked because he was a big boy and totally not afraid to ask the supposed love of his life out.   
“Yeah,” Luke said. “Okay.”

The two boys met at the park at 2:30 in the morning and sat on the swings until the sun rose. It was the most beautiful sunrise either of them had ever seen. 


End file.
